We had Zone Conference!! Yes that's right we got special approval to have Zone Conference last week. And let me tell you... it was brutal. Many know I've been struggling with back pain so on Wednesday I asked if there was anyway I could get a chair with a back... and I left it up to the Elders to handle. Well I walk into the meeting and the well intentioned Elders gave me a relief Society cushioned chair.... which still didn't have a back. So I spent the entire day in a lot of pain and uncomfortable but on top of that President Palmer is really tightening up the rules. We talked for a long time about boundaries and how from now on we weren't allowed to leave our area for any reason... so that meant no more Chick Fil A.... so not only was my back broken, but my heart was too. I'll move on but I may had shed a few tears... so if anyone feels like doing some service for a poor struggling missionary, order me a large fry and diet coke and have it delivered to my apartment, I'd probs love you for the rest of my life. Message me for my address if necessary 😂
Well this week has been quite the roller coaster. Those who were an active reader last week know that I injured my back. Well here is the update. I went to the Chiropractor 3 times but on Saturday I was in a heavy amount of pain, probably the most pain I have ever felt in my life. So my companion and I decided it would be best if we stayed in. Then Sunday rolled around and we were supposed to go to in person church but again I woke up in horrible pain, yet again. All I could to was just sit there and wait for it to pass. It was so sad because this would have been the first time in MONTHS we got to go to church. Instead we had the elders come by to give me a blessing and then bless the sacrament for us before spending the rest of the day inside again.
It has been a tough weekend. There were a lot of small miracles that made me realize life isn't so bad. My best friend who lives not too far from the mission boundaries drove ALL the way here from Denver and dropped off Krispy Kreme donuts... let's just put this into perspective. I haven't had Krispy Kreme my entire mission because there isn't one in the mission boundaries and he drove here and left them on my front step because mission rules say we aren't allowed to see people from home.... what a guy. Another miracle, someone from our ward noticed that we weren't at church which is typically the 1 thing missionaries are always at, so she called to check in with us. After explaining the situation she felt really bad and told us she would buy our groceries on Tuesday *hype* Another miracle my mom sent me Chick Fil A because she also knew I had a rough day. I had so many people message me quotes or conference talks just out of the blue because they felt inspired to do so. All of these things could only mean one thing... God has to love me or He wouldn't have put that much effort into having people help me even when I didn't feel up to getting the help. He has to care about me, He just has to.
With all of this happening I have felt especially vulnerable and down on myself, for lots of reasons, but the biggest being that I feel like I lack the faith to be healed, which is terribly frustrating. I still haven't figured it out, and I'm still trying to understand what I'm supposed to learn from all of this but I do trust one thing, and that's that God has everything under control. Even though I might struggle to understand what that means, even though I'm in a lot of pain, even though I feel lost, He still is and will always be in charge, I know that. I'm still trying to understand everything but its moments like these where I remember this scripture in 1 Nephi 11: 17 that says, "I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." So I keep going and I hope all of you do the same.
I love you all and I hope you have an amazing week!!
Remember God is in the Details!!
Sister Carter
